Home education – a parent’s experience
Amanda* has two sons, one autistic and one with complex needs. Ethan is in his final year of school, while she has educated 16-year-old Max at home since P7. She explains why it’s been a life enhancing experience for the whole family
Despite being in a special school and with only four pupils in his class, Max was not coping. His needs were increasing – particularly healthcare – and his attendance was down to a few hours a week.
“The school staff were brilliant,” Amanda says. “They were willing to try anything, but nothing was working. Home educating could be completely flexible, totally tailored to him, and led by his interests. It was a no brainer.”
It still took the family more than a year to reach a decision, which Amanda feels was important.
“No one should rush into it,” she says. “You have to know what you are getting into. Home educating means I take full responsibility for all the school normally does, including setting goals and measuring Max’s achievements. I have to think about support plans, and what will happen in the future. It’s a full time job.”
No one in the family had teaching experience but good relationships with professionals helped, especially at the beginning. They shared resources and pointed Amanda to sources of information she had never heard of. She still meets staff a few times a year, so they are up to date with Max’s progress.
“You don’t want your young person to be lost to services,” she says. “People can be there as much or as little as you want, but they can tell you if you’re going about things in the wrong way. And if things change and you want your young person to go back to school, they need to know who they are and what they are achieving.”
No qualifications are needed to home educate, but Amanda says time, dedication and patience are a must.
“You’re making a huge commitment for the next 5 or 6 years,” she explains. “It isn’t a quick fix. Can you dedicate enough hours every week to do it properly? Can you manage financially? You also need to consider if it really is in the young person’s best interests, or will they miss out, for example on social skills?”
Preparation and planning are key. You are in the driving seat, so whether it works or not is down to how committed, flexible and determined you are.
“It has to be structured,” Amanda says. “You need a plan, even if you don’t always stick to it. Some days are frustrating and you feel you’ve got nothing done, but the wins make up for it. A plan keeps you on track and working towards the goals you’ve set.”
In the beginning she used a home tutor to help plan lessons, but quickly decided to go it alone: “I was doing all the work!”
The first 6 months were difficult as Max struggled to accept learning with mum rather than a teacher. But Amanda built up learning time gradually, 20 minutes first, then 30. Now she structures days, weeks and holiday times roughly around a normal school pattern.
“It’s totally about what works for him. He can learn in pyjamas if he wants. If he needs half an hour out, he can take it. If he comes back, great – if not, try again tomorrow. One of the biggest benefits is you can mix it up with activities and he’s learning without realising.”
So trips to the supermarket include number work, colours and matching items. Making salt dough involves learning life skills and maths through play. Amanda and Max spend a lot of time outdoors, and are starting travel training by using bus journeys to widen his horizons. Amanda makes her own certificates to evidence Max’s progress: Max gets one each time he completes a workbook, with his name in sparkly pen.
“It took me over a year to realise how I was getting it wrong,” she says. “I was trying to be like a teacher, but that was never going to work. I had to adapt too, and use strategies that let me still be his mum.”
She plans to home educate Max to age 18, then set up a business he can help with: maybe a cafe for people with disabilities.
Her advice to anyone thinking about home education is take the responsibility seriously, do lots of research, and be prepared to do everything yourself.
“Tell the school what you’re considering,” she advises. “Even if there have been problems, it’s important you stay on their radar.”
Amanda feels the family have never looked back.
“We are all happier and less anxious. I’ve really enjoyed it and I’m so proud of Max. I don’t have to ask a teacher for a report – I can see the progress he’s making.”
*Names have been changed
Top tips
- Don’t rush into a decision.
- Consider every alternative and only home educate if the positives clearly outweigh the negatives.
- Find out about information and support in your area.
- Search for home education on your local authority website, or ask education services about resources that can help – many are free.
- Make a learning plan with measurable goals and outcomes.
- Make use of free online resources.
- Find ways to evidence progress and achievements.
- Ask your local carers’ centre. If they don’t have information, they may help you find it.
- Never be afraid to ask questions.
Useful links
- Scottish Government information: https://www.mygov.scot/learning-home-education-flexi-schooling/home-education-flexi-schooling
- Education Scotland Parentzone: https://education.gov.scot/parentzone/learning-at-home/
- Enquire factsheet: https://enquire.org.uk/3175/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/home-education-asl.pdf
- Scottish Home Education Forum: https://scothomeed.co.uk/
- Twinkl: https://www.twinkl.co.uk/
Read more about: Home education – a parent’s experience
Starting university – a parent’s view
Suzanne’s daughter Emma has severe hearing loss. Without hearing aids she can’t process sound and hears no speech. She is in her final year studying German and Applied Language Studies, having spent a year as an English language assistant in a German secondary school.
When we met the support staff they went through everything and as well as accommodation and tech they set up a meeting with the language department head, lecturers and an audio specialist. They really knew their stuff – it was so reassuring.
We started thinking about the support Emma would need when she was about 15 or 16 years old. She had always expressed an interest in university so we knew it was a possibility.
As much as anything, we looked at what financial support would be there, especially from a technology viewpoint, because whichever course she did technology would be one of the most expensive parts of what she would need.
Then when she started applying to universities, we talked to them all, asked what support groups they had, what support there was for deaf students, if they had experience of deaf students.
Emma and her dad visited the universities and managed to talk to people at every visit, to find out attitudes as much as anything – things like did a lecturer of German balk at the idea of having a deaf kid in his group. Actually nobody did. They were all extremely accommodating and I think meeting Emma helped because they got a measure of what kind of person they were getting. It was probably that Highers year when we did most research into what was needed.
It was a lucky coincidence that Emma went to university close to where we live. She wanted to go further away, but after a difficult and exhausting Highers year that wasn’t possible and in fact having her closer to home has worked beautifully.
A piece of advice I would give to parents is consider how far away you are going to be, because while I’ve played a much smaller role in supporting Emma through university there have been times when I’ve had to step in. All the support is student driven, so if the students get to a point where they’re not in a position to ask for help themselves, being able as a parent to see that almost immediately and do something about it is very useful.
I found it very easy to step in on Emma’s behalf when I needed to. Student support has been amazing. Every time it’s been to do with mental health issues, so fatigue driving her down, anxiety, feeling depressed, losing her confidence, not being able to concentrate. I have taken her with me to the support team and without fail they’ve immediately set up counselling, study tutoring, everything she needs. They also invoke the learning plan that entitles her to extended deadlines and so on.
The main thing hasn’t been getting the support people to do it, it’s been getting Emma to recognise when she’s at the point she needs help. In her second year it came a month too late and I didn’t recognise what was going on because I wasn’t seeing so much of her. So it’s about keeping your eye on the ball and trying to recognise when you know your child is not at her best. But from a university point of view, it’s been very easy.
Just about everything was in place when she started. There were a few small glitches but the tech people sorted them out. Within 2-3 weeks everything was running smoothly. To be honest I couldn’t believe how helpful these people were, and how knowledgeable.
I wasn’t emotional when Emma first started, I became very practical. It was all about Emma and her gaining confidence to do things for herself. In my mind, part of her course involved a year abroad, and I knew she had a very steep learning curve to get to the point where she would be able to go to a foreign country and do everything for herself. But Emma is an incredibly strong person, I have complete respect and faith in her ability.
The weekend she moved into halls actually went quite badly, which surprised me and I have to say on the Sunday evening when we left her at the university I was quite a mess inside because I was really worried about what the first few days would hold. So I was really torn – she was in floods of tears, and we had to say we need to go now, you have to do this, this and this. We talked to each other about 2 hours later and she was fine because by then she’d met other people on her course. But that was by far the most difficult part.
We’ve always encouraged Emma to be totally honest about her extra needs and also about the impact of her deafness, which entails fatigue which can then impinge on mental health issues. Being honest helps her get the support she needs.
Read more about: Starting university – a parent’s view
Starting university – a student’s view
Emma has severe hearing loss. Without hearing aids she can’t process sound and hears no speech. Learning to speak herself took intensive speech therapy to age 6 and on and off to age 11. She is in her final year at university studying German and Applied Language Studies, and has just returned from a year as an English language assistant in a German secondary school
I’m a very firm believer that any kind of disability or additional support need shouldn’t directly dictate where you should go and what you should do. You should be able to choose any course you want, and if it needs to be made more accessible to you then hopefully it will be. So don’t cut yourself off from doing something just because you “shouldn’t” be able to – look at how it can be made possible for you.
My first year entailed a range of language courses and I had tech provided so I could take part – especially the aural classes. I’d used a radio aid in school so the university helped find one that was more modern. I had headphones provided for the language lab, where they set up software on one of the computers to direct to my personal headphones rather than the general ones anyone can use.
There was lots of additional technology to make my hearing aids work with the technology the university already had. I was also issued a university printer and a laptop that came with recording software and a digital recorder so I could record my lectures, get the slides from the lecturers and make my notes from them all in one place. All that was paid for and insured by the university through the Disabled Students Allowance.
I’d advise someone with a disability to find a university where they feel comfortable. It’s important to get a head start by talking to various departments, making sure it’s a place where you’ll feel supported.
It goes beyond the course being a good fit – find out if the campus is a good fit for you, if the support department are accepting of you, if they seem to have everything in order so they can assist you. Be aware they are going to be there to help, as long as you ask them. There will be stuff out there, but you may need to go and find it. The responsibility is a bit on you.
I lived on campus for the first year and it was my first time living and working away from home. We talked to them very early on, at the beginning of the summer before I started the course.
I very much wanted to live away from home, and I think it’s good not to be afraid of wanting to do that, because you’re going into a kind of intermediary stage in halls – you still have support from the university staff.
I was lucky because mum and dad were just down the road, but it means you can get used to living by yourself, cooking for yourself, not necessarily doing washing for yourself because washing machines are complicated!
The person responsible for DSA helped organise the tech needs, and we sorted out accommodation with her too. She asked questions like what kind of location would be good? How many people do you want to live with? What extra support might you need?
I needed an extra fire alarm unit linked into the university system, which made the alarm louder in my room and also had a red flashing light. After the first few weeks the support team spoke to the janitor and arranged that if there was an alarm they would also come and check my room if possible, especially during a drill, to make sure I had got out of the building. That was a very doable arrangement because I was on campus. And of course my flatmates were also aware, so they would also knock on my door.
Lots of things are common to everyone in the first few days, regardless of if you have special needs. Most people are living away from home for the first time so everyone’s a bit confused. Even if you feel completely removed from everyone else’s experiences because you need X piece of tech or Y arrangement, actually pretty much everyone is in the same boat, trying to work things out.
With my course, because it’s languages, there was listening and speaking, so it was very important to get the lecturers and to some extent peers in the class to understand I could do the work, I just needed a bit more time to respond because of the things I need to do to make that happen. That’s probably the main difference.
In terms of making friends, it can be quite lonely at first. There were a lot of Freshers’ events which usually involved some kind of party, an enormous gathering of people. And for me, I don’t do well in noisy situations. On the first weekend there was a massive halls party, and a lot of people got to know each other through that. For me that wasn’t an option because it was just too noisy. But through the week they had things like an afternoon tea in the support centre, and arts and cultural stuff in the postgraduate centre. If you seek out the clubs and festivities you’re interested in you will eventually find like minded people, or they will find you, and you just stick together.
It’s not a simple thing, especially when you’re not great at socialising, but you will find people to hang out with – also, they won’t necessarily be on your course, that’s the other thing. I hardly socialise with anyone on my course, but because someone isn’t doing the same thing as you it doesn’t mean you can’t spend time with them if you want to.
